Posted by Elemental Grace on Mar 10, 2010 in
When Things Get Rough; Roll with the Punches I’ve been in two minds whether to blog about this. Truth be told, I’m still not sure so I’m typing word by word with no idea if I’ll hit publish at the end of this or not.
Unless you’ve had your head buried in the sand recently, you couldn’t have missed the fact that it’s Mothering Sunday this coming Sunday.
The history of Mothering Sunday is believed to have religious roots. Most Sundays in the year churchgoers would worship at their nearest parish or “daughter church”. In Victorian times it was considered important for people to return to their home or “mother” church at least once a year, which was commonly thought to be the nearest Cathedral. So each year on the fourth Sunday of Lent, everyone would visit their “mother” church. The return to the “mother” church became an occasion for family reunions when children who were in service away from home returned. The majority of historians think that it was this return to the “Mother” church which led to the tradition of children, particularly those working as domestic servants, or as apprentices, being given the day off to visit their mother and family.
Of course, nowadays, much like Valentine’s day, it’s largely a commercial holiday with retailers telling us to buy everything from hand sanitising lotion (thanks for the heads up on that one Amber) to fossils and every last thing in between as a token of our appreciation for our parents. Turn into the local stationers and you’re bombarded with saccharine sweet cards declaring our love for our Mothers. And most people I know will be buying one with a gift for their mothers and doing something special this Sunday.
I won’t be.
You see, while most of the people I know are pretend moaning about buying cards and presents for their Mums but secretly thinking it’s kind of sweet, I can’t do that. And every time I hear someone talking about what they’ll be doing with their Mums, my heart lurches a little bit, because I know it’s unlikely that I will be able to do that, and that Mothers day, for me, is likely to be the same non-event that it has been for a decade or so.
You see, my Mum suffers from a mental disability. An addiction that led her to make a choice between me and another big love in her life and in my youthful, hot-headed way a number of years ago I decided that I couldn’t spend my life playing second fiddle to her addictions. It’s not a choice I regret but it makes me feel a little sad and a little wistful knowing that while other sons and daughters are celebrating what their parents have done and have sacrificed to give them a decent start in life, my Mum wouldn’t do that. That I wasn’t reason enough to battle for and to know I will never be able to celebrate her in that way. While it was my choice to walk away from it and chose to live my own life, it’s a twist of the knife to know that I had to make that choice, to know that I couldn’t have my own life and a loving mother, and to know that I will never be able to join in the celebrations.
I won’t rant about how wrong it is to celebrate Mother’s day just because a minority of us can’t do so. It’s a day to celebrate your Mother (and historically your family) and that’s a joyful thing. So I say go wild. Remember every damned thing your Mother has ever done to make you happy and then mutiply it by 10, because that’s probably closer to the truth. Forget the arguments, the niggles and the tiny things that annoy you about your Mum … because they don’t matter. Imagine what it would be like to spend every single day for the rest of your life without her … and the emotional devatation you can imagine is the the mirror to how much you really love her. Hold onto those thoughts and when you see your Mum on Sunday, don’t just give her a bunch of flowers and a hug … TELL HER how much you lover her, how much you appreciate her and how much she’s one of the best things in your life. Don’t let her go without knowing all the things you love about her from the way she smells to the way she dances when she thinks no-one’s watching .
But being in the situation I am, makes me consider other people, who through no choice of their own don’t have a Mother with whom they can celebrate either. People who’ve lost their family through any kind of tragedy. Being subjected to the endless barage of advertising is going to hurt as much as the knowledge that the day is one that we are now and will forever be excluded from that special relationship and celebration. So as you consider your maternal relationships on Sunday and spend a little time with the ones you love, just spare a little thought for those of us who won’t be.
Tags: Blood Is Thicker Than Water, Emotion Is A Rollercoaster That's Jumped off The Tracks
Posted by Elemental Grace on Feb 19, 2010 in
The stuff I do to entertain and amuse myself Ya, you read it right. It’s like a miracle that came out of nowhere. Or more specifically came out of a conspiracy between my sister and a photographic studio in Cheltenham. After finishing at the 9-5 (or thereabouts) I grabbed the dogs, leapt into the car and whizzed through torrential rain and snow (snow!?) to Cheltenham for the viewing of my birthday photo shoot from last week.
I was nervous. Being in front of the camera is not my favourite location. I feel naked and vulnerable, and having consoled myself with chocolate brownies after my Dad passed away, was more than aware that I’m not currently looking my best. I was expecting to look acceptable but I’d figured beautiful was an option that had leapt out of the window to save itself a long time back.
The first few photos that came on screen were family shots of us and the hounds, and were lovely momentoes of the day. They were bright and bubbly and fun. Pictures of a family that were happy and loved each other. It couldn’t fail to make you smile.
… and then the photos seagued into the individual shots. I was dreading it. My hands had already crept up to my face, ready to cover my eyes and my heart was beating ten to the dozen. And then THEY appeared and my breath stopped for a moment. I blinked. I shook my head and I heard myself say ‘Oh My God, I never knew I could look like that’ and there it was. There were three. One was cute, and cuddly and wintry and warm and one was all wild eyes and sexy (Me! Imagine that!) and then there was THE ONE. It didn’t have the definable fun factor or sexy elements that the other two did but it had a something that caught me perfectly. It was slightly sultry, mysterious with a hint of my mind’s on other things. It looked on the outside the way I felt on the inside. It’s a work of art.
THEN we got to sis’s shots. Christ she’s photogenic, although she’d never believe me. She had a couple of stunning shots but she too had a ONE and it’s fabulous. Despite her preoccupation with being perfectly coiffed all the time (Joan Collins, eat your heart out) her amazing picture had a really grungy, moody element to it. Almost slightly dark and dangerous. Like you could imagine a classy Courtney Love in a ballgown, leaning against a brick wall in an alley on her way to the Oscars, ready for a dangerous rendezvous. It’s the sort of image that seems to talk to you; it challenges you to try and take her on, provokes you to try with the knowledge she could squash you like a bug. It suits her. It suits the conversation we had over dinner after the shoot.
As well as a beautiful reminder of a fabulous day, the pictures are more than that. Amongst them, there is not only a tale of our relationship but a reminder to us, of who and what we are. Lest we ever forget.
Tags: Blood Is Thicker Than Water, Emotion Is A Rollercoaster That's Jumped off The Tracks, Things That Are So Beautiful They Make Me Want To Sit Down And Cry
My lovely sister left our post-Christmas celebrations this afternoon, and the house is obscenely quiet. I keep expecting to hear an unlikely crash, thud or squeak as a reminder that I’m not crashing about alone in the cottage. Instead the silence is tomb-like and oddly magnified. There may as well be a giant neon sign in the kitchen flashing away saying “you’re on your own now“. I feel slightly empty and the have that end of Christmas comedown, where the tree and decorations, instead of seeming cheerful, charming and festive, now seems gaudy, over the top and slightly ridiculous.
I’m trying very hard to remind myself that it’s a time to prepare for a new year and a new start and a time to be very positive. 2010 is potentially a very exciting time for me and will hopefully be filled with the opportunities I have been dreaming of and am hoping to put into action this year.
It’s not a time for me to be staring at myself, complete with chipped teal toenail polish, untamed frizzy hair, empty house, comfort clothes that would give Gok Wan nightmares, and a pile of dishes and think, well darling, what the fuck happened there then? Nor is it a time for thinking that I’ve just turned 30 and work in a shop doing something I’m not passionate about while I watch my finances demand that I live less on a budget and more of a shoestring.
This is a time for PRIORITIES, woman! Appearances can be tidied as can houses and it’s not outsides which are to be remedied but dreams that need to be bolstered. It’s a time to remember that every disappointment that was visited upon me in 2009 may well have happened for a reason and can only serve to drive me closer to actually achieving my dreams. It is NOT a time to lose heart, to stop dreaming, wishing and hoping.
Every dream has a rough path and the sleepless nights and moments of wondering if you’re crazy for wanting this instead of a more traditional ‘normal’ path, but overcoming these things is what makes the achievements all the sweeter. I suppose to an extent, it makes me feel like a heroine upon a quest, proving myself worthy of the prize by succeeding at the challenges I’ve been set. Since I rather like the idea of being a heroine in a story of my own devising, I’ll be carrying on with my quest in search of my treasure … but I’ll be buggered if I’ll be doing it without RUM!
Tags: Blood Is Thicker Than Water, Hide The Minced Pies and Crack Out The Champers: It's Christmas
Posted by Elemental Grace on Dec 6, 2009 in
Love Me Tender I’ve been meaning to write a post on my un-birthday weekend for the entire week, but for reasons many and various it just doesn’t seem to be happening. It will soon, I promise. What has been on my mind though is family.
When everyone left last weekend, after heaving a sigh of relief that everything was all in one piece and I could flop on the sofa and recover from the weekend, I felt a bit of a wrench at seeing all these people I loved leaving, and found that it was a bit more of a wrench than I was expecting, which I can only attribute to my sister.
Many of my friends often view families and siblings in particular as a test of their patience, and as something visited upon you by fate that by and large you just have to tolerate for most of your life. I suppose that in that respect I am exceedingly lucky. My sister and I grew up very close, and seemed to have grown more so over the years. We seem to have weathered many of the worst bumps that life can throw at you and know each other inside out.
If ever I receive news of any description, the first person I ring will be my sister, knowing that she will instinctively understand my reaction and will talk me down from whatever state of madness I have found myself in, encourage me or give me the boot in the backside I (quite often) richly deserve.
She’s the one person from whom I will unconditionally accept criticism, because she knows me so well that there’s little point to pretending that I had or would react in any other way than the one she expects. She knows how to draw me out of dark moods and when to be silly and remind me of the small things that can make me laugh until the tears run down my face and my ribs ache from laughing so hard. She cringes madly when I sing along to tunes in the car and yet I know if I sneak a sideways peek, she’ll be mouthing the words too.
She reminds me of all th incalculably stupid things I have done during my life and when I feel down about them also reminds me that in the short time I’ve been alive that I achieved some absolutely AMAZING things too. She reminds me that it’s okay to be the person I am and the person I want to be, and that it’s okay not to want to be ordinary but to strive for the impossible. She helps me to believe that I can make the impossible happen every single day.
She drags me out of my comfortable shoes and into shoes I wear once a year so that we can look pretty when we go out. She doesn’t insist on hanging off my arm to prove that she loves me. She understands the value in knowing when to shut the hell up and give someone space and when to stick her oar in.
She’s generous, intelligent, educated, articulate and hilariously funny. She doesn’t take herself too seriously and she doesn’t take me too seriously either. She’s ridiculously beautiful and never realises how much.She’s my best friend who I could rely on to be there for me if I was dangling off the side of a cliff in Outer Mongolia. I cannot imagine that I have ever done anything in my life to deserve having a sister tso wonderful that thinking about her makes me teary because I miss her so much. You’re my rock. This is just to say – Lu, I love you. Merry Christmas. xx
Tags: Blood Is Thicker Than Water
Posted by Elemental Grace on Sep 19, 2009 in
When Things Get Rough; Roll with the Punches Well, woo-hoo, I have a weekend off! I’ll warn you in advance not to expect so very much from me for the next few days as my sister is coming down to Somerset for a flying visit and we have lots of out and abouts planned.
It’s a funny sort of thing, but every time she comes down for a visit, there’s a crisis in the house that results in the house looking like a disaster zone. The first time was moving day before we started knocking walls down, the second time, one of the kitchen cabinets fell off the wall, a day before she was due to arrive, and this time we had a burst pipe in the bathroom, which has resulted in my kitchen ceiling being pulled down and replaced. Oh well, no ceiling just adds to that rustic look, doesn’t it? *wibble*
The kitchen ceiling post-flood
Lots to be getting on with today. I’m baking her a belated birthday cake (the ceiling fell down on her birthday, and the dogs ate her birthday cake – resulting in a sister abandoned in the middle of the Cotswolds with no birthday cake) which will hopefully make it up to her, and other domestic chores.
I do have some exciting show and tells to follow though.
My new shoerack, which started off life as a £10 self assembly job from Argos
Every house needs an odds and ends bowl and I found this lovely rough wooden bowl for half price at a local furniture shop.
The beginnings of a picture frame I'm making from driftwood I collected on my US trip. I want to make a woven string backing and make a shell collage to decorate the centre but this is it in progress...
I’d better get on with it, hadn’t I? Have a good weekend all.
Tags: Blood Is Thicker Than Water